Do you struggle with trying to make a change in your life? Do you want to or have you tried to break a habit but can’t quite seem to do it?
I’ve been oscillating with caffeine off and on for years. I yo-yo between trying to control my coffee intake and just full out drinking it all day long and into the night.
My relationship with coffee has become like the on-again off-again pull of the non-attainable yet ever attractive male whom I can’t live with, but can’t get away from either. Big “C” comes around courting until his love hurts, and then…, then, and only then do I tear myself away, in this case, eliminating coffee entirely, until, until, in a moment of weakness I slide back into his warm embrace and hang out with him, just a little—just a little to boost my spirit, give me that energy, that little bit of jolt that I need—and he’s back in!
Suddenly, without much awareness on my part (because it’s such a long-standing habit) I’m hanging out with Big “C” all the time and staying up late, and doing this, going here, using his support for the really great workout at the gym, but … but,
in the morning I have the hangover from being around him too long. My body resolves that my brain has easily succumbed to his advances, and once again I swear the relationship is over.
My brain is willing to keep him in my life, but my body knows he steals my power. He makes me manic and interferes negatively with healthy functions. It’s hard to listen to my body though because my brain thinks it has all the answers. Those neural networks like running in the same old circles, seeing the same old friends, and finds comfort in the familiar.
For years I thought our relationship was a mutually supportive love exchange. I thought he would keep me slimmer. I thought he would keep me energetic. I even thought he would help me be more creative, but I am wrong. I’ve done the research, written in my memoir, From Sex Appeal to Self Appeal, but a few of these attractive yet antagonistic bad boys kept coming around.
Thankfully, I've fallen out of Big C’s spell and realize that while he was once kind, even helpful, now he’s overstayed his welcome. He's just another bad habit I can replace with a healthy habit of better self-care and respect for the body processes. The bad habits like Big “C” can be alluring, but it’s with the nice habits I feel the best and become more powerful.
Today, another sleep-deprived day, after staying up too late listening to his sweet nothings yet having to pull myself up early for responsible adult commitments, I’m mustering the courage to walk away, turn my back on his promises of more energy and enthusiasm to focus on feeling healthy and well rested in my body. I know that to attract the supportive feelings of love, self-respect and self-confidence. my behavior needs to change. It’s okay that I had the relapse however, it was only a quickie.
You can join me in resolving to kick any bad habits to the gutter and tell them, “So long sucker! You won’t be stealing my energy time or money any longer! I have self-esteem and don't need to be hanging out with habits that don’t feel good. I’m a whole woman today—body and brain together forging a healthier mind. I’m doing the research of “me” and I want to like what I see.”
It all starts with awareness—the awareness of you.