Most of us walk around ready to defend ourselves against attack. It’s human nature. Escaping attack, therefore, avoiding pain, is hardwired into our brain evolving from when we were cave people. Unfortunately, most of us don’t need anyone else to attack us. We attack ourselves. We denigrate ourselves. We’ve internalized the restrictive parental voice, the judgmental, critical, cultural ‘should,’ and like a robot programmed to perform certain tasks, stick the knife into our own psyches and chop away at our self esteem when we don’t measure up to those voices. We do this through
- Words we say to ourselves
- Stories we tell ourselves
- Actions we take or don’t take
When are you going to stop dissing yourself?
Your past is your past. You cannot change it. Likewise, if you’re unhappy in your present, it’s probably not wise to make sudden drastic change. And you most definitely can’t change others. You can only change yourself.
The third week in each four-week Self Appeal process is an important step because it’s only when you can accept your past and your present that you can actually work to affect lasting change in your future. This week is devoted to a continuation of self-knowledge, learning why you behave the way you do and how that contributes to your pain and limitations. There are good reasons why your current reality is at it is. Once you understand and accept these reasons instead of denying them, you can begin to give yourself a break.
When you accept responsibility for your life without blame shifting, malice, or the mindset of being victimized, you’re then freed up to determine appropriate, positive action. From this mindset, you can begin to grow your self respect; a feeling that you’re behaving with honor and dignity.
©2012, Susan Bremer O'Neill, All Rights Reserved.This Self Appeal® article is one part of a 4-week series. It may be reproduced in it's entirety ONLY if accompanied by this copyright and the following information:
Susan Bremer O'Neill offers coaching, classes, and speaking presentations to help women build self esteem and confidence. Please contact her or go to selfappeal.com for more information.
Stay tuned for Susan's upcoming memoir, From Sex Appeal to Self Appeal, due out in 2013.